Tue 03 May 2016
While I was researching sibling rivalry a very good question came up. What is the root of sibling rivalry?
Let us start with, what is Sibling rivalry?
Online dictonary says:
"Sibling rivalry is a type of competition or animosity among siblings, whether blood related or not. Siblings generally spend more time together during childhood than they do with parents. The sibling bond is often complicated and is influenced by factors such as parental treatment, birth order, personality, and people and experiences outside the family. Sibling rivalry is particularly intense when children are very close in age and of the same gender, or where one child is intellectually gifted."
Sibling rivalry is much less in families where all siblings feel equally treated. It is very hard to do, but effort must be made to keep the family peace. So here are a few helpful tips and solutions to help you help your family.
Don’t blame. Toddlers and pre-schoolers lack the problem-solving skills to settle spats, so they'll need your help (and patience) to learn to share and take turns. Focus on what needs to be done now to defuse the trouble, whether it's separating the children or removing a toy, rather than on who did what or how it started - after all, it takes two to tango!
Make each child feel equal and secure. Siblings often fight for your attention. Show them your unconditional love. Instead of becoming really upset and tell one of them off, try to show that you understand their feelings and encourage them to talk about their feelings without fighting or shouting.
Encourage sibling revelry. Compliment your children whenever they show empathy or considerations for one another. It’s very important to show that you noticed good behaviour and reward it with your attention.
So after these tips, let me leave you with my story about how I felt when my brother arrived. (I am sure he was an accident ;-) )
I was an only child until the age of 8. I didn’t really understand when they told me that I will have a little brother, what that would mean regarding my fantastic one and only existence. When he came along, all of a sudden there was a lot of fuss around him and not much going on around me. Very quickly I have figured out how to get my mother’s full attention. The best trick was and guaranteed to work all the time, when I hid behind the door and when she was coming out of the kitchen, usually with a bowl of food or a bottle of milk for my brother, I would just jump out and scare the living daylight out of her. It usually resulted in her dropping whatever she had in her hands and seriously getting angry and shouty. But, of course, I got what I wanted. My mother’s full attention. Most of the time when they ask me, are you an only child? I would explain that I was until the age of 8. And that’s when the slap in the face comes. They just say: that makes sense. Really?
But 25 years later I could not imagine my life without my amazing brother and no matter what, I know when the poop hits the fan, he will always be there for me.